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Fair warning...

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We are both wordy and verbose in our writing styles...TL;DR is that we met, we fell in love, and we got married.  Now just to tackle the happily every after part, running through life, holding hands, and laughing all the way through!

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His Version...

I had come to the conclusion that I was a good catch, and I didn’t even feel guilty saying that.  For the most part, I am trustworthy, loyal, helpful, and all of the other Boy Scout traits, especially kind.  I am one of the most patient people that I know and I take pride in that.  There I was, 44 years old, and realized that a woman would be lucky to have me! I am a people-pleaser at my core, but realized that I am a ‘people’ too, and I needed to please myself. 

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So, I created some profiles on the free dating sites, not really caring quite enough about finding a date to actually pay for anything. I sent a few messages and got a few responses, and even got a message from someone that I hadn’t messaged first!

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This woman who messaged me, Rockinghorsefly, was intriguing. She was very pretty, sure, but she was also very interesting! We sent messages back and forth on the site, and then took the big step to email.  From her first email, I learned that her name was Aimee, which was kind of a recurring name in my life—including my sister—and her last name was Reed, which is another sister’s married name.  An omen? I don’t know, but it was a funny coincidence. 

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While I was up in Santa Maria visiting family, I spoke to Aimee on the phone for the first time, had a nice conversation, and set up a date for a few days later.

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The day of our first date, I left work a little early to swing by a flower shop. The problem was, I didn’t know where a flower shop was around the restaurant.  I texted Aimee to let her know that I was running late, and finally found a shop.  I had to park far away, and then had to agonize over what kind of flowers to get her; I settled on yellow roses…those mean ‘hope’, right?

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When I got to the restaurant, there was Aimee at the table by the entrance and she was even prettier than her pictures and voice indicated! We apparently had some food, although I can’t tell you what we had, but I really enjoyed talking to Aimee and learning about her life a little bit. She was very confident and intelligent, but for some reason I wasn’t intimidated by her.  I decided mid-dinner that I wanted to have a second date and was hoping that she felt the same.  We ended the night with a hug and a promise to see each other again.

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And then I got sick.  Not super sick, but enough that Aimee felt like maybe we should wait to have a second date.  So it goes.

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Finally we agreed on a spontaneous second date one weekend day.  I had no idea what to do, so Aimee suggested that we could meet at Horton Plaza and go from there.  I was early, she was late, but we connected. She had a cute skull blouse on.  Not sure what else to do, we figured that we would walk the mile or so down to the Fish Market for lunch.  The walk was nice—we talked about books, we talked about dogs, we talked about ourselves.  We got to the restaurant and looked at the menu…I immediately was drawn to the sampler platter and oysters and raw things and tentacles.  While I was debating on which I would settle on, and which I would be willing to eat in front of this woman I just met, and who is probably really grossed out by slimy fish, Aimee asked what I thought looked good.  I was honest. I listed the stuff that I really liked.  Well, turns out that she likes tentacles too!  And so began our propensity for ordering big things to share.

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During lunch, Aimee became the Grand Inquisitor. She got all up in my business, asking me why my marriage failed, where I saw myself in 10 years, what I was looking for, what I really valued, how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop…everything.  But it was fine. I mean, who doesn’t like to talk about themselves?  Besides, I had done a lot of self-reflection in the past year and was eager to share my conclusions.

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After lunch, we decided just to walk and talk. It was glorious.  We walked to Little Italy, saw the sights and had ice cream.  Then we walked back to Horton Plaza and said our goodbyes.

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A few weeks later, Aimee took a road trip to Texas, and along the way, she sent me pictures and text messages.  Being the player that I am, and only having gone on a few dates with Aimee, I was still talking to another woman online, but while Aimee was in Texas, I kind of missed her, which was just plain silly.  After she got back in town, we scheduled another dinner date.  During the day of our date, I got to thinking and realized that I really liked Aimee, and resolved to let her know, maybe scare her off, but hope for the best. I was going to stop talking to the other woman, and just enjoy my time with Aimee.  Well, it worked.

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And then “we” started…some highlights:

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Aimee invited me to meet her family shortly after, and the next month she took a trip with me to visit my family.  It turns out my sisters love Aimee more than they love me….that’s fine, I don’t care.  We all laughed about how if we ever married, Aimee would be the second Aimee Lockett. Woot. We continued to hang out and Aimee went up with me to say goodbye to my mother, who was enamored with Aimee and suggested that we get married right away.  I mean, 6 months is enough, right?  When my mother passed away soon after, Aimee, this woman I had only been dating a few months, woke up early, rented a car, bought a new dress, and drove herself up to Santa Maria so that she could be with me at the funeral, then turned around and spent another 6 hours in the car about 16 hours later.

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The following year Aimee suggested that I move in with her and I did.  It was an adjustment for us both—Aimee is extremely independent and didn’t need no man to do anything, and I overthink things and was afraid of disrupting her life too much—but we got used to it.  She still don’t need no man, but has allowed me to partner with her. I still overthink, but realize that she actually enjoys my disruptions.  We have worked on some home improvement projects together without fighting too much, and dream of more that we can/will do in the future. 

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In 2019 we took a trip to Seattle for my sister’s birthday, and were able to celebrate the second anniversary of our first date while we were there. This involved omakase and lots of smooching. 

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Aimee and I had a couple conversations about where we were headed. We loved each other, which was well-established, but didn’t really need to be married.  We’d both done that before and knew that a marriage wasn’t a guarantee. We are both in our forties, have good jobs, can survive on our own and don’t plan to have any children.  We’d be fine just being together, maybe filling out some sort of paperwork in the future so we could make mutual decisions, but not making it ‘official’.

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At the start of 2020 I began to ponder the future.  I wanted to spend the future with Aimee, that was a certainty  …but there it was: it was a CERTAINTY.  Look, I know that nothing is a literal certainty, but as certain as I can be, I was certain that my life has an Aimee-shaped opening in it.  And if I am that sure, then what was stopping me from wanting to marry her?  I didn’t have to marry her, but I wanted to.  And, gosh darn it, I am a selfish sort of person, so I was going to do what I wanted to do and propose! 

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The third anniversary of our first date was on April 11, 2020, and I wanted to make it special by not only taking my sweetie to a nice meal, but also getting down on one knee and proposing!  If she said no, so it goes, but I was going to try.  I went ahead and made the reservation.  Next came the ring. This was an easy one, because Aimee had told me that if she ever got married, she wanted to incorporate her mother’s ring in some way, and I happen to know where she kept the ring, so I would just use that to propose!  All I had to do was wait until the day came.

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So, Covid-19 gave a big ol’ F-You to my plans.  My dinner reservation was cancelled, and we became stuck at home.  “What do I do?,” I asked myself, “Do I postpone this whole thing until the world opens up, or do I just change plans?”  Well, the quarantine helped me decide.  It turns out that Aimee and I get along very well!  Despite being cooped up at home, we still loved each other and adapted to the change in the world around us.  I decided to just move ahead with my plans, sans the restaurant.  While I was online looking for a custom necklace to give to her for our anniversary, I thought about how maybe I could use a necklace to propose as well.  Maybe a locket, that when you open it, there is a “will you marry me?” message…but no, I had given her a locket before and there is really only room in her life for one lockett (heh heh, get it?).  But…what about Stella?  It turns out that I could get Stella a necklace/tag too!  I found a place that made custom dog tags, and ordered a “will you marry my dad?” tag for the pup.

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The Day came, April 11, 2020.  We had gotten some steaks to grill, and found a good deal on lobster tails, which we sous vided…sous ved...cooked in hot swirling water.  We added some brussels sprouts and champagne, and away we went.  After dinner, as we enjoyed of Aimee’s homemade cheesecake, I asked her what was going on with Stella’s collar, since it sounded kind of funny and looked to have something on it.  Aimee called Stella over and saw the new tag.

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“Really?” she asked. I assured her that I was serious, unlike the multitude of times that I put a marriage proposal on Stella’s collar previously.  I pulled out her mother’s wedding ring, which I had borrowed from the safe, and presented it to her, along with a promise of a ring that would fit.  After many seconds of pondering, she said Yes! We smooched, we hugged, we clinked glasses and took pictures.  And exactly three months later,  off we go!!!!

Her Version...

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After many years of being single, and embracing it, for the most part, I decided to give online dating one last chance.  I hadn't the best of luck, so I decided to be the one who initiated contact.  I saw those big, baby blue eyes, and that killer smile, and that caught my attention.  Before I clicked into his profile, I saw that the algorithm has us matched at 84%, which is really good.  I was intrigued.

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I clicked in and began to read his profile.  Despite his good looks and positive attitude, there was something else...what was it...?  OMG!!  His profile was written grammatically correct!!  Talk about a turn on!!  The banter was witty, intelligent, clever, and kind.  So, despite my standard dating app rules, after a week of emailing, and a couple phone calls, (after telling him on email that I had a bit a speech issue as a residual deficit from my brain surgery the year prior, so he could be prepared to bail or steel himself, and he replied that he had a stuttering problem most of his young life, so "no worries, I've been there"), I agreed to meet him for dinner.

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We met on a Tuesday night at The Godfather, wonderfully cozy, throwback of a an old-school Italian restaurant that I had been to a few times with my parents.  It felt like the perfect place.  I got there about 10 minutes early and was seated, but, no Jim.  (Anyone who knows me understands I must have been very intrigued, because I am ALWAYS late).  So, I am seated, and I wait...and wait...And about 2 minutes past our scheduled meeting time, I get a text that he is running late.  So, I ordered water and settled in.  About 5 minutes later, in walks Jim, with 3 yellow roses...my Mom's favorite flower.  An endorsement from above perhaps?

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The date was lovely.  We had some appys, chatted about our lives, like and dislikes, all the normal stuff, and kept seeking out the red flags...I had dated a few guys over the years, but none who ever had similar goals in life, and a mutual understanding of what a relationship means.  He was intelligent, well-spoken, spoke kindly and lovingly of his family, (his mother and all FIVE older sisters...? That was mind-boggling to this only child), the importance of his relationship with his stepson. During our goodbyes that evening, we had decided to go out again the following week.

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We kept in contact via text and email, and continued the conversation, and it just kept getting better.  A few days before our second date, Jim caught a bad cold, and I was having none of that, so told him to medicate, rest up, and we would pick another time.  We kept talking, he started feeling better, and the next week, we met for a date downtown.  I was running late, (no surprise there), but he waited, and we walked to the Fish Market for a mid-afternoon bite.  After examining the menu, it turns out we have a very similar palette, and so we ordered some things to share, many of which are not on the normal person's standard order...ceviche, smoked fish, oysters, to name a few.  I kept asking myself if this guy was for real, and what was wrong with him?  What is the catch?  So, instead of beating around the bush, I came straight out and asked...Or more like interrogated.  If this guy couldn't handle it, or was turned off by my line of questioning, then maybe that would be the thing that scared him off.  So I learned a lot about his upbringing, his previous relationships, his hobbies, past and present, (UCSD Ballroom Dance team?), and I learned that he worked in the aerospace industry, and was a long-term employee, which reminded me of my Dad.  This guy kept getting better and better, despite my trying to scare him off.  Upon departing the restaurant, we continued walking along the Embarcadero, and he turned to me, and asked if he could hold my hand while we walked.  It was the sweetest, most polite gesture, so I eagerly said yes, and we continued on our way, through Little Italy, where we stopped and shared a crazy ice cream treat called the "Rock 'n' Roll", complete with a merengue crust you have to break to get to the gelato inside, a fruit sauce you squeeze inside from a pipette, and we got it in a "Vegas bowl" which meant it came served over dry ice, so fog was pouring out all over the table.  It was another little bit of magic on this magical day.  As we returned to our cars, I wasn't sure he was totally over his cooties, so he got. a kiss on the cheek, and the promise of another date. 

 

There was another date, and another date, and so on and so forth.  Within the first few weeks of dating, I started telling those closest to me that "I met someone," mostly because I was just so giddy about him.  I knew then, that if things kept going in this direction, this would change my life.

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Over the past three years, we have experienced much together. The almost immediate acceptance of Jim by my dog Stella, who loves everyone, but declared Jim her "favorite of all time," (which incidentally used to be my title), The loss of Jim's mother, who I had the honor of meeting a few times before she passed,  A slight woman, with eyes that sparkled like sun dancing on the surface of a lake, who spoke very few words, but kept inquiring if we were getting married.  Unsure how to respond, I would just tell her "not today, Mary."  I have met and gotten to know, and love Jim's sisters, and their families, and his extended relatives, and they have always made me feel so at home, and so appreciated, and I was almost immediately part of the family.  We have taken trips together, done home improvement projects together, taken cooking classes together, become part of each other's friend circles, attended concerts, bought a car, took in, nurtured, and then suddenly lost Jim's pup Kirby, planned future travel, endured quarantine during a worldwide pandemic, and committed ourselves to a life of adventure together.

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We had discussed marriage, and since both of our previous marriages weren't the best after all was said and done, we had considered the idea, but I always said that if we had a committed, loyal, productive, happy, relationship, where we encouraged, supported, loved, and respected one another, that was more than anyone could ask for.  So when Jim popped the question on the third anniversary of our first date, using Stella and her dog tag as his mode of proposal my first response was "oh, that is so sweet!  Wait...are you serious?"  It took me a minute to understand that he was serious, VERY serious, and that he wanted us to be together, both emotionally, physically, and now legally.  And with my mother's tiny wedding ring jammed onto my first knuckle, I emphatically said YES!!

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Realizing that it will be many months until we can gather with our friends and family to celebrate our union, we decided to elope, and make it legal, and we will spend the rest of our lives celebrating our marriage to one another, with one another, and plan to celebrate with loved ones when the time is right.

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